So, why i am doing this now?

Most who know me are aware that im a chunky fellow. At primary school I was called "Bouncy Ball Burrell Bum" - the nickname i used to have to carry around and pretend that it wasn't hurtful. All these insults helped develop a good sense of humour about things, however - it was born so I could get a comment in before others did. For a long time that seemed to work. I had friends who liked me as "the funny guy" - not good for me of course but it did work. Thankfully I have enough self awareness to not hide behind a sense of humour, but of course I'm so glad its there because its an important part of being me. Embracing my vulnerability around being overweight and the pain its caused is important for me to be released from it. It's a scary prospect. No, im not jumping from a plane, but I feel by doing this and being honest about what it entails, I'll uncover the reasons I've chosen to hide behind a wall of fat.

In 2008 I started having my own therapy for various issues i wanted to work on. Being overweight was one of those issues. It's a painful experience to be fat and and feel you have no control over it physically. A lot of unresolved emotional problems are the main contributor for me becoming overweight. It's not called "comfort food" for nothing.

Like many people I am full of nutritional, psychological and physiological information about weight loss. I think most people with too many kilos know what they need to do in order to be healthy; because the facts are everywhere. But why don't we? Why for instance have I stuggled when I have choices rather than excuses? It's not easy to answer these questions without being exposed to the feelings that trigger old dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. But this is what i plan on doing here, i know I'm not alone.

I'm using this blog to expose those emotional reasons for sabotaging weight loss efforts, in order to unlock why after many attemtps do i continue to go back to unhealthy ways of eating. What is the payoff for being fat?

Today i purchased a reasonably priced gym membership, close to home for 8 weeks. As much as i want to say I should get a 12 months pass, I know that hasn't worked before and its about changing things up. At the end of 8 weeks, i'll see how I feel and what comes about physically and emotionally.

So, tomorrow is my first day at the gym, i hope you'll join me on this journey - you will see it all here. The feelings that arise, the setbacks, the methods that work. Hopefully some good realisations and positive results.